Fly away, fly away
by Pellah
Summary: Six year old Amelia was only five, when the Cullen's adopted her. Her past is haunted by feelings of responsibility for the beatings she suffered from her biological father. Feelings which heighten when Carlisle spanks her for something she isn't responsible for. His reaction to the mistake is her greatest lesson in healing. Love.


She had wandered outside alone today. It wouldn't matter now that she wasn't supposed to. She had nothing left to be afraid of. acceptance...it was in its own way a peaceful thing.

As the wind chased field grass again, the child watched as long yellow ripples fluttered across the field. She was so small, the tall color nearly reached her neck as she stood surrounded by it. "_I could sit...if I sat down right now- I could hide"_, She thought. But it wouldn't matter if she did. No one was looking for her. At least...this was her belief...because no one ever had.

This vampire family who had adopted her...it was just one more secret...one more thing she was compelled to hide inside of her psychological basement. Yet Even amongst these creatures of such historic fairytale and wrong doing- Her deepest shame was that she remained the worst offender of them all. It was why her human parents had disliked her so much. it was why they had punished her. Pushed her away. She had tried so very hard not to be bad...every single day she tried to be a good girl. To never disappoint them in ways which would result in discipline. But ultimately she always failed. A deeply bruised and welted backside was the usual result. It was hidden beneath a perfectly pressed school uniform from the eyes of teachers and school staff who would have helped her, if only they had known.

But Amelia Evans had no belief in deliverance. Even when it had finally come. Small dimpled fingers lightly touched a brittle husk of grass as wide green eyes blinked hard against the burn of further tears. She hadnt done what Carlisle had punished her for. Yet in her lifetime of six years, this was the stable repeating pattern. And just like always...she understood the truth behind the pain. It had nothing to do with her behavior. A tiny thumb pushed its way inside the mouth as the knees sank the body to the ground. No...it had to do instead, with what she was...and what she was-was bad.

From the fetal position, Amelia watched the ebb and flow of wind scatter the field. A clear hush of whisper chased behind it in its wake..Shhhh, sh, shhhh...it said. A lulling methodical sound which did not calm her-but only served to muffle her quiet weeping.

Several hours later, after darkness had finally fallen, the little girl wandered home. It had been three days since Carlisle had spanked her. And three days since he had left.

"No, Carlisle she isn't ok. Look at her." Esme had stood whispering it to her husband at their daughters open bedroom door. It was as close to an argument as the couple had ever come in their many years of marriage together. And Esme was right to say it. The tiny girl was curled up into a little ball beneath her covers. It was as though even in sleep, she were hiding from them both. protecting herself. Yet she had not taken with her the one object which had always been by her side through everything. Her favorite doll still sat on The bedroom rocking chair precisely where Carlisle had left it the night before. The two were usually inseparable. It was as though she were rejecting even this most familiar comfort for herself. Esme saw this clearly. Even if her husband was distracted and did not.

Carefully and quietly, Carlisle walked across the bedroom, picked up the doll, then gently laid it beneath the covers. "She'll be ok." It was his final whisper regarding their youngest daughter before he left to attend the medical conference in Chicago. He was a guest speaker,and it was far to late for him to cancel. But after today, after Esme's call, he was leaving early and was already en route back to Washington.

"I've been so worried..." It was a croon against a tiny ear covered by a tangle of dark curls. Esme brushed tender kisses against them as she rocked with her quietly. She did not ask the withdrawn child where she had been. She did not lecture her about family rules, and safety. She simply held her, infusing as much love as she possibly could. "Daddy will be home soon..." she hushed the words in a sing-song voice now. Yet the child only whimpered atop the back of trembling so violent her breath came in broken shudders. Esme rocked her endlessly..."it's alright," she soothed, "daddy isn't angry with you..."noooo," she said, "shhh, sh, shhhh..." A repeating soft hush against the child's ear.

But the little girl didn't believe her. _Fly away, fly away, fly away..._and she did. Inwardly she soared into a sky filled with brilliant clouds and movement of colors. Her internal doorway come alive to take her wherever she imagined.

"Pooooh bear," her mind was calling for the safe companionship of the story book character she loved so much. Her hands stretched out blindly searching for his paw now as her spirit soared further and further away. And then just as she had given up all hope of finding him, she felt his paw press into the palm of her hand...and together they floated away until Esme's gentle voice was a distant hush no longer heard.

Time passed quickly like the final grains of an hour glass falling through the funnel. Near midnight, Carlisle walked through the front door, and before the clock actually chimed he was kneeling beside Esme and Amelia. Gently...so very carefully, Carlisle brushed the tangle of silky curls away from his daughters face. A slow expression of muted shock etched lines of grave concern across his pale features. "Amelia..." Carlisle whispered. It was a broken sound as the man stood, then gently lifted her into his own arms. He rested his cheek atop her small head as he cradled her body against his chest, then slowly walked the floor with her. he paused every few steps to sway with her back and forth...over and over.

His wife had the darkened eyes Of thirst. Yet she remained even now hovering over the child, refusing to leave her. Carlisle insisted she go with their second youngest daughter Alice, to hunt. Clearly she hadn't fed at all in the last several days, and still had no desire to do so. Her worry for their smallest child outweighed her own needs. Finally it was their son Jasper with his unique talent which persuaded her. A whisper of intense calm rippled through Esme's troubled soul. All it took was a glance. Jasper held her hand as Alice Took the other, and then they were Through the door together, and gone.

When morning came, it brought with it the comforting folds of the softest blanket the child had ever known. The fluffy pink chenille fabric was wrapped all around her as the familiar creak of the rocking chair became rhythm and pattern. Pat, pat, pat... Over and over again and again. Creak...pat..."shhhhh..." carlisle soothed, "Daddy's here..."

But there was a little girl crying somewhere. Amelia could hear her clearly as she gradually became conscious from dreaming dreams in her secret place. she sounded sad. so frightened and alone. She tried to get up. Tried to push the blanket which held her away...but she couldn't. Stone arms refused to yield. Amelia wanted to give it to the crying little girl... But her Daddy wouldn't let her.

"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket...save it for a rainy day..." Carlisle sang the lullaby softly against Amelia's ear as she wept. Eventually the child hiccuped and shuddered as the sobbing lessened by small measure. And once more her thumb found her mouth. Her eyes closed. Fly away, fly away, fly away...

"Noooo, no, no, Amelia." This was Edwards voice. A sudden soft caress like a guiding light against her ear now.

"Don't fly away, little one. Stay here...it's alriiiight..." Tiny dimpled hands frantically covered ears.._.fly away, fly away, fly away..._Amelia felt gentle fingers cover her hands, then After a moment more safely place them back inside the folds of the blanket.

"Dont fly away..." Edward's voice was insistent. "open your eyes baby."

Obedience.

Slowly, the child fluttered her swollen eyelids then looked up. Her heart rate increased. Her breathing became rapid and shallow.

"Father," Edward's tone was a constant calm vibration amongst the child's building terror.

" Jamie Gates lured her to that blanket. She said she was going to go home and bring her dolls and bears backs for a tea party. What she brought back instead, was candles and matches. Amelia had nothing to do with it."

A shift in gravity...the room swayed back and forth, back and forth...Amelia's tiny head lay cradled against Carlisle's shoulder as he quietly and calmly rocked her. "No more-"she was inwardly screaming. Her mind was frantic like beating wings against a steel cage. "please no mooooore..." they were terror driven thoughts which broke apart and scattered. "Fly away, fly away, fly away... "

"Carlisle," Edward warned.

"She's dissociating-help her focus. Make her look at you. Now."

Another shift...this time she lay cradled, her face gently cupped.

"Amelia..." Carlisle whispered. open your eyes."

still no response.

"Be firm. Be angry if you must." Edward rose then hovered above her. "You're losing her."

Another shift. The room was tilting until all at once the little girl was sitting upright. Steel arms held her firmly.

"Amelia Grace Cullen-open your eyes _right_ now. _Look_ at _me_."

Obedience. Reluctant-but Obedience nonetheless.

She opened her eyes to the warmest golden color she had ever seen...where tears were wetting the face of eternal beauty...unexpected love...and concern. He couldn't help becoming softer now as he looked into eyes.

"Daddy loves you Amelia." instant denial.

Carlisle watched helplessly as the six year old little girl shook her head in fierce disbelief. Over and over...back and forth...it was like a self induced throttle her head moved so fast.

"Amelia..." Edward was kneeling beside father and child again. His hands cupped each side of his baby sisters face, stopping the violent movement of her head. The child was trembling. Hysteria was clawing up her throat but she wouldn't scream. She never had. Not even when her biological parents had done their very worst...and that had been the night Carlisle had first met her. She had been five then. The burns to her hands were barely visible now after skin graphs. She had had 4 total in the last 12 months of her life. Edward lowered his eyes briefly, then looked back into Amelia's own.

"Amelia..." he whispered, "Does Daddy need to spank you?"

Terror. It finally pushed through the child's lips and produced sound. In that very moment Carlisle hissed, but Edward waved him off. Everyone in this room was going to have to be strong, or this child would be lost.

"Carlisle," Edward was speaking very cautiously now. "Although Amelia didn't light the candles nor bring them...she is at fault for participating. For not leaving the situation and telling an adult what was happening."

For the briefest of moments Carlisle glared at his eldest son. But understanding quickly drove sense into the motive of this final moment before clarity.

"How..." Edward began, then swallowed hard against his own grief.

"How will she ever differentiate between abuse, and correction-if she isn't shown? Especially now?"

Tears slid hot and venomous down Carlisle's cheeks. He tried to speak, several times but couldn't. The pain was just to deep, and to slicing near the chest.

Finally he shook his head, and mouthed the words "I can't. I can't."

A steadying hand gripped the blond vampires shoulder. Edward whispered back...

"You must."

Somewhere downstairs Esme began to weep. She hadn't hunted long. Edward wasn't surprised. Alice and jaz were back as well. He wondered if perhaps Alice had seen this moment. She must have. God knew His brother would have kept hold of their mother and managed her anxiety enough to hunt properly if she hadn't.

"Jasper..." Carlisle whispered the name so quietly it was inaudible to human ears.

Within the briefest of moments, he appeared. No instruction was necessary. And as Edward watched Jasper's hand tenderly cradle the side of Amelia's head, he was thankful For his brothers gift.

Gradually, like an anesthetist counting down the minutes to sedation, Edward watched as Amelia calmed. She still cried a small bit, but her body was no longer trembling.

"shhhh, sh, shhhhh..." Carlisle soothed small whispers against her hair.

He rocked her endlessly for the longest while, simply holding her, helping her to settle down. To focus her mind, and calm her anxious heart. When sniffles and hiccups were all that remained, Carlisle rested his cheek against her small head.

"You are not bad, Amelia. Did you know, that most children never are?"

The child shuddered in ragged breath, then sniffled. Finally she shook her head no. It was the first moment since she had awakened, that Amelia had directly responded to a single word said.

"It's true," Carlisle nodded. "Very, very, seldom in this life is a child ever genuinely evil, or bad inside of their heart."

"I-m..bad...I-I-m baaaaad..." She insisted.

Carlisle stopped rocking, then carefully sat Amelia up on his lap. He cupped her small face as she shuddered once more in a fresh wave of tears. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead as his thumbs wiped them away.

"No Amelia."

She was looking at him now, her face cupped between his hands.

"That isn't true." He said.

"It can be confusing when we're small. Sometimes so much so, that the reason discipline was given at all becomes muddled or completely lost in our own self talk. Our own misguided beliefs.

"I was baaaad..." The child's voice rose an octave, then cracked, then miraculously calmed as Jasper rubbed her back.

"How were you bad, Amelia?" a gentle probe, as carlisle patiently wiped away her tears.

"Tell Daddy." He insisted.

"I-I-I..." She stuttered then hiccuped. "Made-y-you- ang-ryyyy..."

"Yes. I was very angry. But not at you."

"N-nooo...nooo...I-I-I'm baaaaad..."

"shhhhhh...Amelia? Listen to Daddy's words. Matches were lit. Candles were burned. A fire could have been started. And you could have been hurt. Quite badly."

Amelia slowly lifted her hands and intently looked at the faint scars remaining on the palms of her hands.

"Owwwwwies...owwwwies...owwwwwies..." Amelia was sobbing again. Jasper and Carlisle both quieted her with gentle touch. Small circular rubs on her back. A gentle kiss to each of her little palms.

"Daddy was wrong Amelia. Very wrong to spank you without asking where the candles and matches had come from. But it's important you understand, that even if you had told me, I still would have punished you."

It was the thickest whisper against grief any creature vampire or human would ever produce.

"Now lets put our thinking caps on together." He said quietly.

Each of them pretended to pull a cap down upon their heads. A tear slid down Amelia's nose, and Carlisle wiped it away.

"Why do you think Daddy would have spanked you that day?"

Terror. It was in her shoulders now as they stiffened nearly to her ears. Jasper and Carlisle both rubbed her back together.

"Shhhhh..." each man whispered it together in their own unique tenor.

"It's alright, love." And soon, Jasper made certain it was. Amelia's heart calmed. Her breathing returned to normal. And Carlisle continued.

"Can you tell Daddy what you did wrong?" Amelia sniffled. Then clung. Carlisle searched Edward's face as he hugged her tight. They locked eyes. Then Edward nodded and looked away.

"What you did wrong, was not leave immediately." Carlisle said. " what you should have done," he continued, "was come home and tell a grownup that Jamie was lighting candles beside your treehouse."

quietly and calmly he shifted the child to sit sideways on his lap. A gentle hand swept another shock of dark curls away from her anxious face.

"Amelia?" He asked gently, "Do you understand what you did wrong?" The little girl calmly nodded. Carlisle glanced at Jasper. He eased the pressure of his focus, then almost instantly the child began to cry softly. Carlisle nodded. This was appropriate. Not terrified. Not weeping. Only wary.

"Can you tell Daddy why you should have been spanked?"

"B-ee-cause..." she stuttered, "I..I was b-a-ad again. I'm sorry...Im so sorry..."

"No. You were not bad. You made a mistake."

Again Carlisle cradled her face in his hands.

"Mistakes help us grow." He explained. "And if the mistakes are serious enough to warrant a consequence, then it is given in love. And it will help us remember the right way to respond if it ever happens again."

"You-re...going too...h-h-urt..me..." It was the sound of breathless stuttering terror.

"No little one. Daddy is not going to hurt you. Daddy is going to correct you."

And with that, Carlisle turned Amelia across his lap and methodically spanked her covered little bottom exactly 6 times. It wasn't excessively hard. It wasn't meant to be. The point was to teach the lesson of appropriate cause and effect. To give Amelia a truthful experience in why a spanking should happen. It was not an excuse to hit. To beat. To wound. It was a tool. One reserved for any behavior which could cause harm to self or others. And it would always be followed by love. This was the lesson. This was the experience he wanted her to have. And to remember.

Immediately Carlisle lifted the little girl back into his arms and cradled her to him as easily as if she had been a newborn baby.

"It's alright to cry..." He whispered. "Safe now. Shhhhh...saaaafe in daddy's arms. You are loved so much Amelia. So very much."

And then something magical washed new light into Amelia's soul as she cried. A feeling of complete safety. Security. And love infused her spirit. There were no welts. There were no bruises. She had not been abandoned to cope alone in pain and rejection.

"I-love you too Daddy..." It was her last hiccup and shudder before she fell into an exhausted sleep. Safe in the knowledge that when she awoke, the arms holding her would still be wrapped around her. As Carlisle watched his youngest child finally rest peacefully, he dreamed waking images of what the rest of Amelia's childhood might Look like. Full of mud pies he hoped. And Halloween candy. Overflowing with laughter and school and friends, good ones. He hoped too...with all of his heart...that she would also continue to make mistakes. To grow and learn from them. And he wanted always for her to never, ever, be afraid to tell him the truth. Even when he was angry or wrong.

This was not the end. It was Instead...

The Beginning.


End file.
